Fight or Flight
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry feels frustrated because Doofenshmirtz has turned to Peter to thwart him during his absence. Things at the agency get worse when Perry discovers that Monogram's childhood friend, Thad Badley, is actually plotting against the agency- and Monogram doesn't believe him. NOTE: THIS STORY IS PART OF A SERIES. "..." works as a line break.
1. Chapter 1

"Which way did he go, Carl?"

"He's under the desk, sir."

_Traitor_. Perry thought. He tried to make himself smaller under Monogram's desk.

"Who grows thorns in their gardens?" Monogram asked Carl.

"I don't know, sir."

Monogram's face suddenly appeared. Perry backed up and hissed.

"Come on, Agent P. Come on out."

Perry gave a low growl.

"I don't know why he's so uncooperative today." Monogram said, dragging Perry out from under the desk. "He never used to hide when he had a thorn stuck in his foot. He knows I won't hurt him when I pull it out."

"It's not that he's worried about, sir. He's developed a fear of tweezers."

Perry tried to pull his foot away from Monogram.

"That's ridiculous." Monogram said. "Why would he be afraid of tweezers?"

"Sam Sideblow told me Perry's never been the same around them since Gustav accidentally poked him in the eye-"

"Poked him in the eye? Agent P, this isn't going anywhere NEAR your eye… worst that would happen is I'd poke your foot- WILL YOU HOLD STILL?"

Perry started pulling on his leg with both hands, but Monogram had an iron grip. He quickly pulled out the thorn. "There. Didn't hurt a bit, did it?"

He suddenly released Perry's foot. Perry flew back and hit Monogram's bookshelf, which nearly toppled completely over. Books poured over the floor.

Monogram sighed. "Agent P…"

Perry started licking his foot to soothe it, glaring at Monogram. Carl picked up some books from the floor.

Thaddeus Badley, Monogram's best friend since childhood, came into the room at that moment. He looked around and the rubble, then at Monogram.

"Agent P had a thorn stuck in his foot." Monogram said, gesturing toward Perry. "He didn't really want me to pull it out."

"Might have hurt him a little." Thad said.

"Not the way I do it." Monogram said.

Thad bent down next to Perry and examined his foot. "The thorn was a little deep. Do you have any adhesive bandages?"

"Carl!" Monogram barked.

"I'll go get some." Carl said, putting down the book he was reading and running from the room.

"Was it anything I did?" Monogram said quietly once Carl had gone.

Perry nearly choked. Monogram never admitted that he had done anything wrong. He had an ego the size of seven elephants standing on a mountain.

"Not at all." Thad said. "Like I said, the thorn just went in too deep. That's why he's bleeding. I think I have some bandages in here somewhere…"

He dug around in his back pocket, opened up a bandage with a picture of Ducky Momo in it, and applied it to Perry's foot.

"There. He's all good now." Thad patted Perry gently on the head and stood up. "This is the agent assigned to the Doofenshmirtz case, right?"

"Formerly." Monogram said. "During his absence we had to appoint Agent P to it."

Thad looked confused. "But isn't this…"

"Agent P as in Peter the panda." Monogram said. "Not Perry."

Perry slammed his tail against the ground.

"He's not very happy about it." Monogram said. "I'm still trying to work it out."

Perry stood up and limped toward the door.

* * *

><p>"Make it purple!"<p>

Perry peeked around Phineas's shoulder. The boys were playing some hairstyling online game.

The girl on the screen had uneven bangs and only a little bit of hair on the left side of her head. Ferb was dying it purple.

"Um… what's this?" Perry asked.

"Some hair game Candace used to play." Phineas said. "We thought we'd check it out."

Ferb cut off all the hair on the left side, save for a couple of chunks. He clicked on the curling iron and curled them.

"Do the world a favor and never become hairdressers." Perry said.

Ferb cut the hair into the shape of a heart.

"How was your day, Perry?" Phineas asked.

"Stressful." Perry admitted. "Monogram chased me around trying to get a thorn out of my foot."

"Ooh, related games." Ferb said. He clicked on one entitled 'Virtual Gallbladder Surgery'.

"Oh, Ferb, not that one!" Phineas said, though he was laughing.

Ferb's animated knife moved around the screen.

"I think I'll leave before things get exciting." Perry said. He went into the kitchen.

He could still hear the computer. "Be careful not to put too much pressure when you cut or Jimmy will- oh dear, would you like to try again?"

Perry poured himself some juice.

"Oops." He heard Ferb say. Ominous music came from the computer.

"FERB! YOU KILLED JIMMY!" Phineas yelled.

Perry shook his head. "And don't become doctors either, you two."

Phineas came into the kitchen. "What are you doing, Perry?"

"Waiting for my dinner. I'm starving."

"You can get your own dinner."

"I like being fed." Perry grumbled.

"Okay." Phineas said cheerfully. He got out Perry's bowl and spooned some platypus food into it. He set it down, and Perry started eating.

Candace came running into the room. She was completely covered in art feathers and paste.

"Candace!" Phineas's eyes widened. "What happened?"

"I was trying to put on my Flawless Girl lipstick." Candace said dejectedly. "But I think something went wrong."

"Ya think?" Perry asked, spitting out bits of mashed larva as he chattered.

* * *

><p>Perry found six fruit baskets in his lair that afternoon.<p>

All of them had the same thing printed on the card: "To Perry the Platypus: I hate both you and Peter equally. And I hate you for not thwarting me! Come over and thwart me sometime. Really. Or at least send me a note or something. Your worst nemesis, Heinz Doofenshmirtz."

Perry sighed. If Doofenshmirtz was trying to make up with him, he wasn't going about it the right way.

He stepped over the fruit baskets, trying to get to his chair.

Monogram and Thad were both on the screen today, laughing at something.

"Oh! Oh! And remember when Gretchen tripped over the lamp and it fell on Jordan's head?"

"I completely forgot!" Thad said between his laughter. "We had some good times, didn't we, Francis?"

Perry let out a loud breath.

"Oh, Agent P." Monogram said, wiping his eyes and turning to face him. "Yes… yes… your mission… where did you get all those fruit baskets?"

Perry didn't respond.

* * *

><p>Perry left his lair, chewing on one of the apples Doofenshmirtz had given him. He started down the hall.<p>

Noticing Alan the alligator's door was slightly open, Perry moved to close it.

Then he heard Alan growling from inside.

"I didn't find anything funny about it when I went in."

"Why did you go in?"

Perry recognized that voice, too. It was the voice of Manfred Freeny, a mink he didn't know very well.

"Well… Monogram asked me to. He was getting some strange signals from the device he put in the cave when he first appeared."

"And nothing was in there?"

"I don't know… it was just strange. There were tons of rocks, and these howling noises. Then I heard a bang and a roar, so I high-tailed away from there."

"Maybe Monogram was pranking you."

"Monogram doesn't play tricks on me."

_Lucky you_, Perry thought.

"Did you tell him about it?" Manfred asked.

"Yes. He didn't seem concerned and thanked me for the report."

"I wonder if he'll let anyone else check it out." Manfred said. Perry could tell that he was up to the challenge from the tone of his voice.

"I don't think so. It wouldn't be safe…" Alan's voice drifted off.

Perry knew what that meant.

He knocked.

"Who is it?" Alan asked.

"Me." Perry said.

"I thought I smelled someone behind the door. Do you need something?"

Perry thought quickly. "I have too much fruit. Doofenshmirtz went on a fruit frenzy or something. Do you want some?"

"Sure." Alan said. He came out of his lair, Manfred close at his heels.

"Do I really smell that strong?" Perry asked.

"Sometimes, yes." Alan said. "No offense."

"None taken. Phineas was supposed to give me a bath last week."

"I hope you have oranges." Manfred said. "That's the only fruit I'll eat."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ducky Mo Ducky Momo, he's your very best friend!"

Perry stood up on his hind legs and began quickly scratching the television screen with his front paws.

"Stop it!" Candace said. "Phineas and FERRRBBB… Perry, STOP IT!"

Perry ignored her. He would scratch until he got what he wanted.

"Perry, I can't see the screen!"

Perry continued to scratch. Candace grabbed him from behind. Perry snorted in frustration.

"What's WRONG with him?" Candace demanded, carrying Perry into Phineas and Ferb's room. Perry desperately struggled to break free of her grip.

"I think he wants you to let him down." Phineas said.

"He was scratching the TV!" Candace said, setting Perry down on the floor.

Perry sped away from her as fast as he could go, zooming down the stairs and into the living room, where Lawrence was now standing, watching the television thoughtfully.

Perry began running in circles around Lawrence, who didn't notice him.

"Hey, Perry!" Phineas said as he picked Perry up. "Calm down."

Perry beamed at him, breathing hard.

"If he scratches the TV, that means he wants you to open the sliding door so he can go outside." Phineas explained to Candace.

"Why doesn't he just scratch the sliding door?" Candace asked.

"You wouldn't pay any attention to that." Phineas said.

"I guess you have a point." Candace said.

Phineas opened the sliding glass door and tossed Perry outside. Perry happily ambled into the middle of the yard and began to dig a hole.

Once his hole was big enough, he got into it, curled up, and closed his eyes.

The breeze that brushed over him was wonderful, and the sun was warm.

He felt incredibly content.

* * *

><p>"Come on, Perry, you can beat him."<p>

Perry was playing Kyle the kangaroo in a game of chess. He sat staring at the board, pondering his next move.

Devon the dog wasn't helping him think.

"Maybe move the black piece. The one that looks like a castley thing. Oh no wait, move the horse. How many spaces does that move again? If it moves like six forward, you've got him…"

"Shush!" Perry snapped.

"Just trying to help." Devon muttered.

Perry stared at the board, and then moved his knight.

His phone buzzed.

"Dang." He muttered, pulling it out. Kyle eyed Perry's knight.

"Agent P!" Monogram said. "Sorry to bother you, but there's a ruckus going on downtown. Apparently Dr. Diminutive is threatening to paint Downtown Danville proton-pink if no one surrenders to his rule. Normally we'd appoint Agent Silent G to his case, but…"

"Sorry, Kyle." Perry said, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

Kyle didn't appear to notice as Perry slid out of the room.

* * *

><p>As it turned out, Danville's paint store really did sell a color of paint dubbed Proton Pink, and pink wasn't exactly Perry's favorite color. He spent a lot of his afternoon trying to get the pink paint splotches off of his tail and arms.<p>

"Ooh, is that a shade of Proton Pink?" Phineas asked, walking in on Perry in the bathtub.

Perry only glared at him.

"Ferb and I love the scientific selections at Danville's paint store." Phineas said. "We use those colors to paint our inventions. Gene Green, RNA Red, Meiosis Maroon…"

"Yeah, yeah, Oxygen Orange, I got it."

"Actually, it's Osmosis Orange. I don't know why, though. But I don't care. I love the Danville paint store. Their paints are super-permanent."

Perry gave a grumble of acknowledgement.

"So, why'd you paint yourself Proton Pink?"

"I DIDN'T PAINT MY-" Perry took a breath, trying to calm himself. "I didn't paint myself. I got some on me when I was fighting Dr. Diminutive."

"Oh, that was his name. Ferb kept saying it was Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. I thought it was Hans Doofyberg. Guess we were both wrong."

"I used to fight Doofenshmirtz." Perry said. "Now… I don't know. By the way, don't say Hans Doofyberg in front of him. He might threaten to burn his name into the city again."

"So who's Dr. Diminutive?"

"A really tiny scientist."

"Like, I-could-step-on-him tiny?"

"No, like, a few-inches-taller-than-me tiny."

"Oh, okay." Phineas smiled. "Is he fun to fight?"

"I don't know yet. I've only brawled with him a couple of times."

"But you've fought Doofenshmirtz your whole life. Why'd you switch?"

"Ask Doofenshmirtz." Perry said coldly.

* * *

><p>"Silence, agents, silence!"<p>

The skwawking, mewing, barking and mooing didn't stop. The agents were chattering excitedly among themselves.

"Think of the pandas." Peter was telling Darren the duck. "They need donations to save their homes."

Devon the dog was trying to show Pinky a magic trick. "Was this your card?"

"No." Pinky said.

"Oh. I think I took out the wrong one. It was this one, right?"

"No."

Perry sighed, grabbed the cards from Devon, and shuffled them. He pulled one out from the middle of the deck.

"That WAS my card!" Pinky said excitedly. "How did you do that?"

"I knew I forgot a step to the trick." Devon said.

"AGENTS!" Monogram shouted.

Thad winced. He had been sitting right next to Monogram.

The agents fell silent.

"Thank you." Monogram cleared his throat. "Now, as some of you may know, the annual L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N bash is in a couple of days. This gives agents a chance to meet other evil scientists assigned to other agents, as well as the other way around."  
>Thad looked confused. Perry couldn't blame him. It was a strange idea, agents and evil scientists getting together just for a meet-and-greet party.<p>

"Your enemies sent in invitations." Monogram said, gesturing towards Carl. "Anyone with a nemesis may go."

"You going?" Devon asked Perry.

Perry mumbled a reply. Doofenshmirtz probably invited Peter. The thought of it made him furious. He hated parties, but he hated Doofenshmirtz not thinking of him.

Carl handed an invitation to Carrie, who opened it up and inspected it, her eyes narrowed. Carrie only looked so focused when she saw anything with Rodney's name on it.

Carl handed one to Peter next. Peter looked briefly at Perry for a moment. Perry stared coldly at him.

Carl then handed invitations to Devon and Pinky.

"Who invited you?" Devon asked.

"Poofenplotz, of course." Pinky said. "We've been enemies since I joined the agency. You?"

"I'm on Dr. Bloodpudding now." Devon said. "I switched from Professor Roundhead."

Carl searched through the envelopes in his hand, and then passed one to Perry. Perry stared at it in shock.

"Doofenshmirtz?" Devon asked.

"No… it couldn't be… must be someone else." Perry opened it up and stared at it. "Diminutive. I only fought him once."

"Well, since Newton's assigned to someone else now, I suppose it should have been expected." Pinky said.

"Doofenshmirtz hates Diminutive." Devon said. "Or so I remember. Years ago, when I fought Doofenshmirtz, he would rant about Diminutive all the time. I hear they get into fights a lot."

Perry felt a little better hearing this, even a little smug, but he wasn't sure why. "Yeah. Although he feels the same way about Rodney, if not worse."

"Carrie switched him for Rodney." Devon said. "Rodney's been teasing him about it ever since. And you know Rodney's always been a bit hard on Doofenshmirtz."

"I can't believe these guys sometimes." Perry said. "They all are working toward the same goal, like us, but they all hate each other."

"That's evil for you." Pinky said.

* * *

><p>The L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N bash was loud and filled with colorful lighting. Perry knew he hated it the moment he stepped into the room.<p>

Evil scientists everywhere were talking, laughing, arguing with their agent counterparts or pouring strange substances into the punch bowl. Dr. Diminutive was sitting at a small table, sipping a soda. He waved Perry over.

Perry sat down across from him and stared at him. Diminutive took another sip before talking.

"So, welcome to the annual… ugh, I can't even say the name. Heinz thought it up, I can't believe it… Lovemuffin, how evil does that sound?"

Perry shrugged.

"Don't get any punch. Dr. Bloodpudding put poison in it. Don't look so nervous, it was already a disgusting color, who would wanna drink it? So… I heard what happened. Heinz, he's a jerk. Doesn't know a good nemesis 'till he loses one."

Perry nodded in agreement. He noticed Doofenshmirtz at another table, drinking coffee with Peter. Doofenshmirtz caught his eye. Perry pretended to be interested in whatever Diminutive was talking about.

"That woman over there?" Diminutive lowered his voice and pointed at a scientist with long, dark hair. "Dr. Sewersludge. She's completely silent about her past life. I swear, not a word. I've tried to ask her. I have no idea what she builds, inators, erators, erizers… she won't say. Professor Poofenplotz is that lady with the short white hair- she may be pretty, but she's crazy. I mean it, completely loopy. We originally agreed not to allow her into... our group, but..."  
>Perry watched Doofenshmirtz again. Doofenshmirtz seemed to be glaring at the back of Dr. Diminutive. Perry smiled and tuned back in to the conversation.<p>

"…Bloodpudding's just weird, I don't get him at all. And Rodney's a complete evil genius. He co-owns… well, our group, you know what it's called, with Heinz. You know him. Not the brightest bulb in the lamp. And then there's me. I may be tiny, but I've got it where it counts. I'll put up a fight when you come to thwart me, Perry."

Perry smiled tauntingly, accepting the challenge.

* * *

><p>"I don't get it. Harvey Porter DIES?"<p>

"He didn't die, Perry. He came back to life." Devon said.

"But why'd they do that? I mean, he's the main character in the movie! And they just KILL him? And then bring him back to life because they need him? If they NEEDED him, they shouldn't have killed him!"

"But they had to." Devon said. "If Harvey Porter hadn't died, then Guess Who would still be alive!"

"Why?"

"I don't know, Perry." Pinky sighed.

"I still don't get it. When Harvey got run over by the train as he was porting those bags…"

"It's a movie, Perry." Pinky said.

"And what about Roger Whistley? If he had just done as Harvey asked and driven the train off of the edge of a cliff…"

"The conductor needed to save the gumballs, though!" Devon said.

"But the magical dancing bunnies were on top of that!" Pinky said. "And don't you remember the teddy bear on the hangglider? Why would he have needed the gumballs after the legos got thrown out of the train by that purple hippo?"

"That movie was weird." Perry said.

"It was NOT weird." Devon said.

"Come on. If you ever need to use 'gumballs', 'hanggliders' and 'purple hippos' in a conversation about a plot, the movie is officially weird."

"You're just feeling ripped off because it was twenty bucks to get in." Pinky said.

"Twenty bucks wasted. I could have spent that on better stuff-"

Perry stopped. He noticed Thad Badley by the front of the movie theater, apparently in a heated discussion with Monty Monogram, Monogram's son.

Perry watched as Thad stormed away, leaving Monty looking livid.

"What was that about?" Devon whispered.

Perry shrugged. "Maybe Monty thought the movie was weird and Thad didn't."


	3. Chapter 3

_"Peerryyyyyy!" Said the fluffy unicorn._

_Perry growled, not opening his eyes._

_"Perry, come on, we want you to see something! Wake up!"_

_Perry drifted back to sleep. He was in a rainbow field…_

_The fluffy unicorn poked him with her horn. "Perry!"_

"WHAT?"

Phineas poked him again. "Ferb and I made Bubbleland! In honor of Blubbles, our goldfish!"

"Until you make Coffeeland in my honor, I'm not going anywhere."

"You drink too much coffee."

"Only one cup a day! It wakes me up!"

_"Try waking up without it." The fluffy unicorn said. "Perry? Perry, did you fall asleep again?"_

Perry forced himself to sit up. "Bring me a cup. And I'll try to stay awake long enough to see Blubbleland."

"It's actually Bubbleland." Phineas said. "Because it's made out of bubbles. We just made it in honor of Blubbles, we didn't name it after her."

"Mmm."

_"Is he awake?" Said a fairy princess in a British accent._

_"He just fell asleep again." The fluffy unicorn said. "Maybe we should wait until he wakes up on his own to show him."_

* * *

><p>Perry wandered sleepily into the agency. He was greeted by Darren the duck.<br>"Monobrow's not here." Darren said. "Monty had some strange urge to have a father-son bonding morning, so they went mini-golfing."

"Hmm." Perry said, half-listening.

"One time, I went mini-golfing with Dinah and baby Elle." Darren said, referring to his owners. "Elle whacked the golf ball into my head and Dinah whacked Elle in the head when she swung backwards. I hate Elle. Maybe I'll like her when she gets older."

"Phineas once hit Ferb with a golf ball. To this day, Ferb still thinks it was on purpose. He holds it over Phineas's head. If Phineas suggests a project Ferb doesn't like, Ferb suggests another. If Phineas says no, Ferb reminds him of the time he hit him with the golf ball."

Carrie the cat ran up to them. "Perry, these two guys were looking for you."

"Who? Where?"

Carrie led Perry and Darren into the O.W.C.A kitchen. Seated at the table with glasses of orange juice in front of them were two beavers.

"Oh… dear." Perry said.

"Well, if it isn't that there platypus whose life we done saved back when the air was fine and them horses would go out in pasture to graze to their little there heart's content!" Johnny Sue said.

"We came here because we heard tell that you done started fightin' a new old enemy." Bobby Jane said.

"We done heard tell from that little bluebird that sits up in that there oak tree by Beaver Beach." Johnny Sue said. "And we done come to wish you luck if ever there was luck to be wished, ain't that as right as a golden acorn, Bobby Jane?"

"Indeed it be, Johnny Sue, indeed it be. Righter than the goldenest acorn in that there oak tree that that there little bluebird sits in."

"You know these guys?" Darren whispered.

Perry sighed. "They have a knack for taking forever to get to the point. And unfortunately, I owe them a life debt, so I have to tolerate them."

"Now then," Johnny Sue said, patting his orange juice fondly, "Why'd you done switch from old Heinz?"

"You know Doofenshmirtz?" Perry asked.

"We done know him sure as the-"

"Where'd you meet him?" Perry broke in.

"We've heard tell from our grandfathers and them grandfathers before them." Bobby Jane said. "You done see, my greatest grandfather was then there long ago when Heinz done moved to Danville. And he told all there was to ever be told to my great grandfather, and he done told all there was to tell to my grandfather, who done told my father, who done told me, Bobby Jane, his then there only son besides my then there brother."

"And Bobby Jane's father was the brother of my father if ever a father had a brother." Johnny Sue said.

"So... you guys are cousins?"

"What are them cousins, Bobby Jane?" Johnny Sue asked.

"I haven't a sliver of an idea, sure as them cornfields that grow under the golden sun, golden as that there goldenest acorn…"

"Okay, okay. Thanks for wishing me luck, but I really gotta go." Perry said.

"That's right fine, platypus. We'll meet again, sure as the stars in the nighttime sky."

"…I… okay." Perry steered Darren out of the room.

"I don't think I can think in simple sentences anymore." Darren said. "Why do they have 'Sue' and 'Jane' at the end of their names?"

"I never asked them."

"You should."

"Are you kidding? I'd never be able to find the answer under all those metaphors."

"Could you get my file in to the agency file cabinet?" Darren asked, handing Perry a folder. "I can't figure out why, but I have an issue with keys."

Perry stared at Darren's wing.

"Can't grip so well, huh?"

"I've learned to live with it for ten years. And then there was the matter of you breaking my wing…"

"You punched me in the eye."

"That's no excuse." Darren said teasingly. "So why'd you switch from Doof again?"

Perry narrowed his eyes.

"Oh. Right. Peter. I forgot." Darren said awkwardly. "I'm sure it'll turn out all right."

Perry shrugged.

* * *

><p>Perry stuffed Darren's file into the file cabinet and closed it.<p>

"I've heard weird stuff about that cave, too." A woman's voice said.

Perry turned suspiciously toward the sound. A medium-sized woman with thick, wavy blonde hair was talking to Thad Badley. She wore sparkly pink high-heels to match her hot pink dress.

Perry nearly threw up on the spot. Kendrine Adems, his least favorite singer in the world, was standing five feet away from him.

"I'm worried." Thad said. "Francis has been sending his agents in there to figure out what's going on. But I don't think that's safe for the animals. I think I need to convince him to send the SS SN men in there."

"What are those again?" Kendrine asked, sounding bored. She inspected her glossy pink nails.

"A human force. Unpredictable, though."

"Wait… I'm confused." Kendrine said.

"What else is new?" Perry muttered. They hadn't noticed him yet, thankfully. Perry had no desire to be introduced to Kendrine Adems.

"So, we can't send the animals in there… so why are we sending humans? Wouldn't they get into trouble?"

"Yes. That's why I hope Francis gets here quickly. I need to talk to him. I saw two boys entering that cave."

Kendrine frowned. "That might not be good."

"No, it's not. There's something highly dangerous in there. Our energy readings have gone crazy."

"Then Francis will take care of it, right, daddy?"

Perry gagged. He had been trained by a man who was friends with a man who was the reason Kendrine Adems existed.

"If he gets here in time." Thad said. "Two boys, on their own… although maybe they're just reckless kids. One had dyed his hair green."

Perry froze. He felt as though his heart had forgotten a couple of beats.

He quickly pulled out his phone and checked the O.W.C.A energy readings.

One reading was completely insane. The numbers were thousands higher than maximum and lower than minimum.

"Oh, what's that darling little creature over there, daddy?" Kendrine suddenly piped.

"That's Agent P." Thad said. "Perry, have you ever met my daughter Kendrine?"

Perry rushed out of the room.

* * *

><p>Perry made his way along the swirling cave. It curled downward, icy cold rock for a wall and broken, worn stones for steps.<p>

The cave was silent save for an every-two-seconds beeping noise from an O.W.C.A energy sensor, and Perry's heavy breathing. It was tiring, just to keep going down… down…  
>He finally found the end. The steps had led him into a large cavern, sparkling beautifully. The ground was completely flat here.<p>

There were no doors. The only way out was the way he had come.

"Phineas?" He called quietly. "Ferb?"

There was no response. His snorts echoed off of the cavern walls.

Two seconds later, a beep sounded faintly from the O.W.C.A sensor.

"Perry?"

The noise made him jump. He whirled around to face Peter.

"You."

"Hello, Perry." Peter said. "I think we should probably go. This place isn't safe according to the energy readings."

"How did you know I was here?" Perry snapped.

"Thad told Monogram he'd sighted two kids around here." Peter was twirling a coin nervously between his paws. "Monogram freaked out when he realized you were gone and thought you might have gone looking for Phineas and Ferb. Who, by the way, are safely at home, so come on."

"And he sent YOU?"

"Yep. Let's go."

"I bet you couldn't wait to jump at the chance. Rescue stupid Perry from the mess he's gotten himself into because he thought his loved ones were in danger. Smart Peter, heroic Peter, all the villains despise him-"

Peter frowned. "What?"

"You're not denying it, are you?" Perry snarled. "Listen, Peter, thank you for telling me I wasn't supposed to be here. So nice of you to come all the way down and tell me I was wasting my time climbing eighty-two billion stairs. Did it ever occur to you to call?"

"We thought that if something happened… it was better to come… are you just mad about Doofenshmirtz?"

"Doofenshmirtz is MY nemesis." Perry reminded him. "Mine. Ever since I was old enough to punch things. And you just waltz in and start fighting him like he never had me."

"I tried to work it out." Peter said, looking a little angry. "I tried."

"Of course you did. Because perfect Peter does everything PERFECT."

"Perry, is it mating season for you or something? Because you seem a little touchier than usual-"

"SHUT! UP!"

The words rang out, final. Peter stared down at his coin. Perry glared at him, a burning feeling in his chest. He knew he wasn't angry with Peter at all. But he couldn't yell at Doofenshmirtz.

Suddenly the O.W.C.A signal's faint beeping got faster. A rumbling sound came from close by.

Peter and Perry looked at each other.

"Stairs." Perry said shakily.

Peter nodded.

They ran for the stairwell.

An incredible roaring noise filled the whole room. The wall opposite the stairwell and the ceiling gave in, huge rocks falling at a time.

Perry felt something shove against him and fell to the ground. A loud bang sounded behind him as a rock crashed down. He felt a sharp pain spread across the back of his head.

Everything went dark.


	4. Chapter 4

"He's coming to."

"Is he all right?"

"He'll be fine."

"Carl, why does he look so pale?"

"He's fine."

"Perry? Can you hear me?"

Perry's forehead felt cold and damp. It also hurt. He forced himself to open his eyes.

"He's back." A man said, taking a washcloth away from Perry's face. "Quiet, now. Don't startle him."

Perry blinked. Everything was a watery blur. He struggled to sit up.

"Lay down." The man insisted, gently pushing him back onto a pillow. "Rest."

Unfamiliar faces were looking down at him. Two middle-aged men with mustaches… a young man with red hair… the man who had been tending to him had black hair and blue eyes…

"He looks dizzy." One of the men said. He had white hair and a white mustache. "His eyes are unfocused. Carl, why are his eyes unfocused?"

"I… I'm not sure, sir." Stammered the redhead.

"Perry?" The white-mustached man said. "Are you feeling all right?"

Perry looked to his left, where no people stood. Across from him was another bed. Something was sleeping steadily in it.

"Perry." The black-haired man said softly.

Perry turned back to him.

"Do you know where you are?"

Perry shook his head slowly.

"Do you know who we are?"

Perry shook his head again.

"Okay. Get some sleep." The man patted him and turned to the other men. "Can I see Monogram alone?"

Perry closed his eyes. His forehead hurt badly.

He heard the door close. The black-haired man began talking in a low voice.

"How were they found?"

"Just lying there." Said Monogram. "Rocks were obviously involved. Peter was found against the wall, inches away from a boulder. And Perry wasn't far from him. Both of them were surrounded by rocks and pebbles. If Doofenshmirtz hadn't found them…"

"He's very bruised around his head, especially the front. I think he may have been hit by the falling rocks, affecting his cerebrum."

"So…"

"His memory must have been affected. He didn't recognize you. I could tell the moment he looked at you. He was confused. He didn't know who anyone was."

"Will he ever get it back?" Monogram asked, sounding worried.

"I think the fact that he still responds to his name is a good sign." The man said. "And he may just be a little tired. Let him rest. I'll check on him tomorrow."

"And Peter?"

Perry opened one eye. Monogram was looking anxiously at the other bed.

"I don't know when he'll wake up. But I don't think I can do anything more for him right now. Let them sleep and keep them safe."  
>Perry closed his eye again.<p>

"All right. Thank you, Morris."

He heard the door open again. Then he heard another voice.

"I'm so sorry, Francis. I had no idea he had overheard me… I had no idea he might try to go after these children… when he ran out of the room, I thought my daughter had scared him off… she does that to people sometimes, I don't know why…"

"It's fine, Thad. Poor Peter… the SS SN men that analyzed what happened say he shoved Perry out of the way of a boulder and got the brunt of it. And the vet says Perry's lost his memory…"

Perry was annoyed that he couldn't remember any of this. Apparently he'd gotten brained by some rocks and was saved by whatever was in the bed across from him.

"And Doofenshmirtz found them?"

"He had seen Peter go in and was concerned when he didn't come back. I was about to go looking for them myself when he called. He was trying to clean up Perry's cuts with a paper towel when I arrived. Agent E and Agent B helped me move them to the van… then I called the vet. Morris managed to save Peter just in time… I can't believe he went there…"

"Is he going to recover his memory?"

"I don't know, Thad."

Someone touched Perry's shoulder. Perry opened his eyes again.

Thad was holding out a bowl of water to him. Perry sniffed it, and then lapped a little bit up.

**...**

"Please eat something."

Perry had been moved to the couch just outside of the room that held Peter. He wasn't sleeping as much as he had the day before, so Monogram made it easy for him to access the TV. However, he couldn't move very much due to his sore body, so changing the channel had to be done by Monogram.

Monogram held out a spoonful of something. Perry turned his head away.

"Ice cream." Monogram said. "You like ice cream, remember?"

He held the spoon near Perry's mouth. Cautiously, Perry licked the spoon.

It did taste good. But he couldn't sit up to eat it.

He rolled onto his side and stared at the TV.

"You need to eat something, Agent P, please."

Agent P? Perry didn't understand.

"How is he, sir?" Carl asked, coming into the room. Perry still wasn't certain who Carl was.

"He's been sleeping most of the day." Monogram said. "Which is good. But he won't eat."

"Did you call the vet, sir?"  
>"Morris is coming in a few hours to check up on him. Thad's been moping all day. He feels like it's his fault Perry and Peter are injured."<p>

"I still don't get how Agent P could forget everything. Isn't there any way to bring back his memories, sir?"

"I've tried, Carl. I've shown him pictures of the agency, me, even his owners, but he doesn't understand any of them."

"What do you suppose was in that cave, sir?"

Monogram's expression darkened. "I'm not sure. We need to keep our agents away from it, though."

He handed the bowl of ice cream to Carl. "I need to make an announcement. See if you can get him to eat something."

**...**

"Can you help Ducky Momo find the-"

"Two boys in Danville have built Coffeeland, in honor of their beloved pet platypus-"

"Has your skin felt dry lately? Try MOISTURE-O'S, the cereal that-"

Perry pressed the channel button on the remote with what little strength he had, trying to find something he actually wanted to watch.

"Kendrine Adems's latest single, 'Oh My', comes out this-"

"Cynthia, you know I wouldn't date Amanda behind your back."

Perry left the channel on and watched sleepily as the man and woman talked.

"Oh, is that 'That Darn Fiancé?'" Carl asked as he walked by. "That's a good movie. Good to see you awake, Agent P."

Perry yawned and tried to shift his position without hurting himself.

"Is it all right that we moved him to the couch?" Monogram asked, leading Morris over to Perry.

"Yes. He looks comfortable." Morris bent down next to Perry and examined his head. "His bruises are already clearing up a little."

"Isn't there any way we can get him to remember?" Monogram pleaded.

Morris frowned. "I sure hope so." He began feeling Perry's neck.

Perry pretended to choke.

Morris smiled a little. "I didn't press that hard. Don't overreact."

"I'm a trained vet as well." Monogram said. "I just thought it'd be better if you checked him out…"

"It's fine to be nervous around blood." Morris said automatically, examining a large cut on Perry's shoulder.

Monogram muttered something about surgical procedures.

"Oh, I know." Morris said. "But Perry did look a little gruesome before I fixed him up. I wouldn't blame you for feeling sick."

Perry wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"Doofenshmirtz held him." Monogram said resentfully. "Physically held him while he was in that state. He looked like a corpse."

"Some people have stronger stomachs." Morris said.

Monogram's eyes narrowed. He turned his back on Perry and Morris and pretended to inspect the wall.

"Sir, are you really…" Carl squeaked.

"Quiet, Carl!"

Perry coughed up a thick ball of snot and spat it into Morris's lap.

Morris made a face. "You may want to try giving him some tea… clear out his throat and sinuses."

**...**

Perry tried to heave himself toward the exit. His vision was blurring rapidly as his consciousness slipped away.

He forced himself to focus… on sleep… no… he had to focus on getting away…

The walls around him began to swim. He heard voices, but they made no sense. A calming feeling was spreading through him… as though it didn't really matter whether he got out of here or not, he could just sleep right here if he wanted to…

"Foccuussss!" Perry hissed at himself.

"YOU… YOU MURDEROUS TRAITOR!"

Perry couldn't recognize the speaker. He felt like he knew this guy, but how many people did he know resembling a spinning marshmallow… the words this guy said made no sense to him…

His eyes were trying to close. He forced them to stay open. It took all of his effort to keep crawling…

Perry woke up, back on the couch with the TV still playing "That Darn Fiancé". Morris had gone, and so had Carl and Monogram.

Perry forced himself to stand up, his limbs aching. He couldn't tell if that dream had been reminding him of something in the past or not.

He crawled toward the kitchen and climbed up to the sink, where he drank from the tap. He got down and started back to the couch.

He felt dizzy and instantly realized what was happening. He tried to get back to the couch so he could lie down…

Perry was on the floor, everything in pain. He couldn't tell how long he had been out. Exhausted and completely confused, he burst into tears.

He heard a door slam. Monogram was at his side.

"Agent P, what happened? Why aren't you on the couch? What happened?"

Perry continued to snort hysterically.

"Carl, I think he tried to walk and passed out. CARL! CARL, GET OVER HERE!"

Carl came into the room.

"Morris said he'd have trouble walking from lack of food and we weren't supposed to let him up until he'd started eating again! Why weren't you watching him, Carl?"

"I'm sorry, sir… he was asleep, I just went to check on the computers… we'd had a breach earlier this morning, turns out it was just a false alarm…"

Monogram wasn't listening. He patted Perry on the back. "It's all right, Agent P. It's all right. You've had a long day."

Monogram picked him up and carried him over to the couch. The credits for "That Darn Fiancé" were rolling.

As Monogram set him down on the couch, Perry saw a few things: A much younger Monogram holding him as a baby, some ugly guy with a long nose talking to him in an accent, a kid with a triangle-shaped head smiling at him…

"You all right, Agent P?"

Perry looked at Monogram, and slowly nodded. He was happy to be back on the couch.

"Get him some water, Carl. He's probably thirsty. And stay sitting with him, understand?"

"Sir, all he does is sleep most of the time…"

"Sit on the couch and keep an eye on him, Carl!"

Carl sat.

Together, Perry and Carl stared at the television.


	5. Chapter 5

"And, always remember, kids, Carlos the caring clown sets things right by caring and sharing!"

Perry stretched his aching arms. "I thought that would never end. Pure torture."

"Only the children's channels are on in the mornings." Gary said.

Gary the gander had come to sit with Perry after Monogram had fed him. Perry knew Monogram was hoping Gary could talk Perry into remembering something.

But Perry didn't even remember who Gary was.

"I heard you lost your memory." Gary said.

"You heard correctly."

"So you have no idea who I am?"

"All I know is your name."

"Good. Er… you didn't like me."

"What did you do?" Perry narrowed his eyes.

"Well, you found me vacationing on the moon and… you didn't say anything, you just glared at me and dragged me back to the agency. I still don't know why you were so angry."

"Me neither. Who am I?"

"What?"

The television began to play Ducky Momo's theme song.

"Who am I? No one's bothered to tell me."

"Oh." Gary shifted uncomfortably. "Well, you're… Perry. One of the top animal agents at this agency, the O.W.C.A, which is the organization without a cool acronym."

He was then silent.

Perry watched him.

"That's it?"

"I don't know that much about you, sorry." Gary said.

"No problem." Perry pulled his blanket a little closer around him.

"It must stink to lose your memory." Gary said.

"It does."

"So you don't remember anything at all?"

"Snippets of stuff. But it doesn't make any sense to me. And I'm learning some things. Carl works for Monogram, right?"

"Yes, he's an unpaid intern."

"And apparently Morris is a vet?"

"He doesn't come here often, but yes."

"Ah. Okay."

They stared at the television in silence.

**...**

Perry slept for most of the next day.

He woke up fully when something in his side started feebly vibrating and buzzing, as though it were trying to play a song it had forgotten.

He felt around and found a sort of pocket in his hip. Completely confused, he pulled out a cracked and damaged phone that was apparently trying to ring.

He stared at the screen, then pushed the button he hoped would answer it.

"Hello?" He asked it.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" Shouted a voice.

"I…" Perry started.

"WE'VE BEEN FREAKING OUT FOR THE PAST WEEK AND YOU WOULDN'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE…"

"I don't think it's ever rung before now." Perry said, but the voice didn't pause to let him speak.

"WELL, IT SURE IS GOOD TO KNOW YOU'RE ALIVE AND WELL, THANKS FOR THE POSTCARD! JUST BECAUSE WE UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE TO GO OFF ALL THE TIME DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T TELL US WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND WHEN YOU'LL BE BACK! OR WOULD YOU HAVE TO KILL US? IS THAT HOW IT WORKS OVER THERE?"

The voice paused for breath, and Perry took his opportunity.

"Who is this? Do you have the right number?"

"Who do you THINK THIS IS?! IT'S ME! AND I'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU FOR THE PAST WEEK AND A HALF!"

"I… I'm sorry. I need a name."

"Oh, so you've been having such a fine time you've forgotten all about us? That's fine, we couldn't care less. It's not like we spent A WEEK AND A HALF trying to find you."

"Look, whoever you are…"

The voice didn't protest this time.

"I was in an accident. I don't know what happened, or how it happened, but… apparently there were some rocks involved. I've got amnesia. All I know is my name."

"Oh…" The voice said after a moment. "We… we didn't know."

"I'm sorry." Perry said. "I would have called you if I'd known to."

"So… you don't know who we are?"

"I'm sure I know, somehow. I just don't remember."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know. Do you know who Monogram is? He's here."

"Good… were you badly hurt?"

"I'm better now. I just… don't remember stuff."

"Hang on a minute."

Perry waited. After a few minutes he heard voices in another room.

"…Want to see him!"  
>"He's resting right now."<p>

"We just talked to him, please, sir. We've been so worried about him."

"He won't remember you."

"We know. Can we just see him?"

Monogram walked in, followed by two young boys. One had a triangular head and fiery hair. The other was taller, with green hair.

"Perry!" The redhead said. He rushed over to Perry and hugged him.

Not knowing how to react, Perry lightly hugged him back.  
>"He looks tired." The redhead said.<p>

"He looks better than he did before." Monogram said. "I'm sorry, Phineas. We should have notified you. Perry was injured in a cave with who-knows-what in it. He didn't suffer as much damage as he would have had another agent not been there to help him… he's getting better. It's just his memory…"

Phineas patted Perry gently. "Isn't there any way for him to get it back?"

"The vet said he'd just have to get it back on his own."

**...**

Perry awoke the next morning with Phineas and Ferb asleep beside him. He climbed down from the couch and pushed open the first door he saw.

He found himself in a hallway. Pictures of animals lined the walls. He heard Thad and Monogram speaking in low voices behind a closed door.

Perry walked down the hall until he found a door that had his name on it. Instinctively, he placed his paw on a small scanner by the door.

"PAWPRINT ACCEPTED" blinked onto the screen.

The door opened, and Perry stepped inside.

He was in a large, dark room with a giant screen in front of a chair. Suits and electronics lined the walls. A small tank of water stood near the entrance.

Perry walked over to a closet and opened it up. Clothes hung neatly inside. A box sat on the topmost shelf.

Perry climbed up to the shelf and opened up the box, pulling out a snowglobe. He stared at it for a moment.

_This confuses me._ He thought.

That meant something to him somehow.

His head started to hurt a little. He pulled out another object from the box: A baby blanket, wrapped around some baby pictures.

Perry merely glanced at the photographs before reaching into the box again. This time he pulled out a plastic bag. Inside was something he couldn't quite recognize. It looked like a bread-shaped mold colony.

He looked back at the snowglobe.

He fell from the shelf and landed painfully on the floor. His memories had flooded into his head so suddenly, they had overwhelmed him.

He lay on the floor for a while, thinking hard about everything.

How could he have forgotten everything?

Peter had saved him…

Perry pushed himself up. His lair door opened, and Monogram stood in the entrance.

"I thought I heard a crash. What are you doing up?"

Perry looked at him. Then, very slowly, he reached into his fur pocket and forced his damaged phone to turn on.

Monogram watched as he scribbled out a message with the stylus.

Perry handed the phone to him.

Monogram smiled. "I knew you'd get it back, Agent P. I just knew it. Don't worry, we can fix your phone up. I'll tell the boys, they'll be so happy. They were worried about you all night…"

**...**

Even though Perry was feeling much better after getting his memory back, Monogram and Morris still insisted that Perry stay lying down for a while. This annoyed him a little, but the couch was very comfortable, and Phineas and Ferb came down to visit him whenever they could.

"Mom and dad still think you're missing." Phineas said. "Whenever you're feeling better, you can come home and we'll say we found you. Or if they see you come in, they'll probably just assume you came home again. You know. Or if you don't want them to worry, we can say we found you but Isabella borrowed you for a few days because Pinky was lonely."

"I don't want them to be worried."

"We'll tell them, then. Hey, Ferb, did you bring in the thing we made for Perry?"

Ferb came into the room, carrying a small hand-held device. He handed it to Perry.

"It's a get-well present." Phineas said. "Keep this in your pocket. If you get attacked or hurt or can't get up or something… it'll sense it and contact us."

Perry could sense the worry in his cheerful tone.

"Thanks. I'll keep hold of it. But I'll be fine."

Phineas nodded.

"I'm not planning on going near that cave again. And you shouldn't head there anymore, either."

Phineas frowned. "How did you know we went there?"

"Thad Badley-"

Phineas's eyes narrowed. "Ugh, I don't-"

"Trust him, I know. Well, he was telling Ken-" Perry had to swallow to keep himself from gagging on the pop star's name. "I mean, his daughter, that he saw you guys around the cave. I knew that cave was getting unstable energy readings. You were in danger. Why did you even go there?"

"We got a note." Phineas said. "Someone sent us a note telling us there was a very rare rock found in that cave that was the most stable thing on earth. Blue, shiny rocks- they won't break or fall apart. We wanted to use some in a future project. The person in the note said the cave was unsafe, though, and we would need him to guide us."

"Or her." Ferb said.

"So we were to wait outside the cave."

"You had no idea who sent this note, and you WENT?" Perry hissed. "PHINEAS…"

"Sorry, sorry, we shouldn't have gone. But they didn't show up, anyway. We went back home after a while. I guess that was why you didn't find us there."

"PROMISE me…"

"We promise. We won't go if we don't know who sent the note."

"That's how people get kidnapped, you know. It's like taking candy from a stranger."

"Or running with scissors with a stranger." Ferb said.

Perry half-smiled, imagining Phineas frolicking with some stranger as they held scissors. But soon concern wiped away the humor again.

"Promise me."

"We did promise-" Phineas started.

"Both of you. Never again."

"Never again." Phineas repeated. "Never. It's the whole reason you're lying here, anyway."

"I love you guys. You mean more to me than anything. If anything happened to you…"

Ferb patted him on the shoulder.

"Whoever sent you that note…" Perry said.

"We don't know." Phineas said.

"That worries me." Perry said.


	6. Chapter 6

"The reason I have called you all here…" Monogram addressed the agents.

Perry figured this had to be important. Otherwise, Monogram wouldn't have gone to such great lengths to get every single agent to hear him.

Manfred Freeny was still wearing a tropical shirt. He was supposed to have still been on vacation, but Perry had heard Monogram had bought him a ticket to the first plane back from Hawaii just for this announcement. Monogram had also dragged Kyle the kangaroo back to the agency, even though he had been severely ill the past few weeks and was sneezing uncontrollably. Monogram had made up a little bed with wheels for Perry to attend, and even the unconscious Peter was sleeping steadily in a wheeled bed next to Perry's.

Perry wondered if Peter would still be able to understand Monogram while he was in a coma.

"We've had some small security breaches." Monogram said. "And we've tried to look into those. However, there is obviously a traitor in our midst."

All of the agents looked toward Perry.

"Not Agent P!" Monogram said, annoyed. "Someone else. Maybe even someone we don't know is here."

"We'll be taking extra measures to make sure you all are safe." Thad spoke up from next to Carl. "Francis and I have agreed that what happened to these two…" He gestured toward Peter and Perry. "…must not happen again. Agents are advised to stay out of any area that hasn't been cleared by the SS SN men. Especially that cave."

"Please, if any of you hear anything relating to the security breaches, please let me know." Monogram said.

Kyle sneezed loudly, making many of the agents jump.

"That is all. Please go on about your business." Monogram began pushing Perry's bed back out of the room.

**...**

Perry had gotten many gifts from other agents during his recovery time. He tried to pull his cart of balloons, flowers, cards and candy into his lair, but it wasn't fitting through the door frame very well.

He sighed and went over to the elevator. He felt a little shaky and unstable from being in bed for weeks.

The elevator rose up and released him into his backyard. He sat down next to the tree and let the warm sun heat him up.

A bus screeched to a stop near the corner to pick up a couple of teenagers. Perry stared sleepily at it.

AGENT P had been skillfully spray-painted along the side of the bus.

Perry squinted at it, but the bus had started up and was puttering away again.

He doubted Pinky or Peter or any of the other agents with his codename would have spray-painted a bus. He decided not to worry about it.

"Perry's home!" Phineas's voice shouted faintly from inside the house. "Perry!"

Perry smiled. He crawled over to the screen door and pawed at it to be let in.

**...**

After a long fight with Diminutive, Perry had gone to Downtown Danville's café for coffee. He sat and watched the people go by, a little bored.

"Um… hi."

Perry looked up. Doofenshmirtz stood next to his table.

Perry glared at him and sipped his coffee.

Doofenshmirtz seemed to see this as an invitation to sit. He sat across from Perry, nervously wringing his hands.

"So… um… I heard you were fighting Diminutive now."

Perry shrugged and stirred his drink with a small spoon.

"Just figured you should know, Diminutive's a jerk."  
>Perry eyed Doofenshmirtz suspiciously. Was this what the Lovemuffin members did in their spare time? Call each other jerks?<p>

"I don't want you to fight him anymore." Doofenshmirtz said. He looked slightly ashamed as he said it.

Perry snapped his fingers to get the waiter's attention and pointed at the empty cream jug. The waiter took the jug and headed into the café.

"Did you hear me?"

Perry gave a long, dramatic sigh, placed his spoon on his napkin, and gave a nod.

"I'm thinking of you here." Doofenshmirtz said.

Perry growled. He pulled a pen out of his pocket and scribbled "I FIGHT WHO I WANT" onto a napkin, shoving it toward Doofenshmirtz.

Doofenshmirtz narrowed his eyes. "Oh, are you still sore about Peter? Real mature of you, Perry the platypus. Real mature."

Perry jumped up and punched Doofenshmirtz in the face. Doofenshmirtz tossed him away.

"Don't try to reconcile with me, Perry the platypus!" Doofenshmirtz shouted, rubbing his nose.

"Who's trying to reconcile?" Perry snorted.

**...**

His fury with Doofenshmirtz mounting steadily, Perry stormed into the O.W.C.A. He walked down the hall, taking the long way to his lair.

He heard voices coming from behind a locked office door.

"…he suspects us."

"No, he doesn't! He knows what's going on. But he does not suspect me, I've made certain of that."

Perry was a little confused. He recognized Thad's voice, but not the other person's.

"I took every precaution. I told him everything without revealing anything. I covered up my tracks extremely well." Thad was saying. "His best agent doesn't even suspect me. I tried to get him out of the way, but… that panda agent ruined it. I have done more than enough. What have you?"

"I've appointed the Flaming Planet to find that O.W.C.A file. They'll do almost anything for enough cash." The other voice said.

"Mercenaries are untrustworthy. I tried a plan with one years ago. He failed me and later went to another cause that paid more." Thad said. "What do you know about the Flaming Planet?"

"They have a lead already." The other voice said. "They found a former O.W.C.A agent they suspect may have the file, and are certain they'll be able to get it out of her. However, it may take some time."  
>"Francis knows nothing of this plot." Thad said. "It'll be easy to take over this agency. Once we have the agency, it may be easier to retrieve the file. I'm not worried about him. I'm worried about these agents. They're smarter than they appear."<p>

Perry frowned. Thad? Monogram's childhood friend was plotting against the agency?

"You must not fail to get the file." Thad said. "If they get a hold of it first… and destroy it…"

Perry had heard enough. He silently padded along the hall until he felt safe, and then broke into a run.

He jumped into a tube at the end of the hall and slid down into a room with many screens and control panels. In the center, reading a book, sat Major Monogram.

**...**

"Agent P, good to see you." Monogram said, setting down his book. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."  
>Perry shook his head. He grabbed a large sheet of paper from one of the printers and scribbled frantically.<p>

He handed Monogram the paper. Monogram scanned it, and his eyes narrowed.

"Thaddeus Badley… Agent P…"

Perry felt bad for Monogram. Surely the news of the betrayal of his close friend wouldn't go down well for him.

Monogram sighed, shook his head again, and stood up, setting the paper down. "Come with me."

Perry followed him out of the room and into a smaller one. A sofa sat in front of a small television. A door that led to a bathroom was next to the couch.

Monogram sat down on the couch. He patted down a spot for Perry next to him.

"Agent P… you're one of my top agents. And I hate that you had to go through so much these past few weeks. I understand it's been very hard for you. And Doofenshmirtz replacing you with Peter doesn't feel very good."

Perry waited.

"I didn't replace you, Agent P." Monogram said. "Peter is an amazing agent, it's true, but you are certainly the best one in my division. Don't you ever go thinking that I am losing faith in you. And don't think you have to make some drastic accusation to get higher in my books."

It took Perry a moment to realize what Monogram was saying.

Furiously, he stood up and started to snarl.

Monogram held a hand up. "Perry, I have known Thaddeus since I was four years old. And I know you're feeling neglected. I'm sure you will be able to figure out who is breaching our security. But please, don't go blaming people willy-nilly."

Perry grabbed his phone and angrily tapped out a message. He thrust it into Monogram's hand.

"Agent P, I'm sorry. But Thad is not a bad man. I'm sure you believe you're telling me the truth, but maybe your evidence is a little off."

Perry fired a few choice words at Monogram.

Apparently Monogram had studied up on profanity in different animal languages.

"WATCH! YOUR! MOUTH!" He shouted. "REMEMBER YOUR PLACE!"

Grabbing his phone back, Perry tapped out another message, trying to stop himself from breaking the screen in his fury.

MY PLACE IS TO TELL YOU WHEN SOMEONE IS OUT TO DESTROY OUR ORGANIZATION.

"YOUR place," Monogram responded coldly, "is to follow my orders! I tried to drive that into you, ever since you were barely a year old! But no, you insist on being cocky and arrogant! Do NOT argue with me any more on this subject! That is an ORDER!"

Perry's next reply landed him in the bathroom, choking on bubbles as Monogram held him over the sink.

"And don't come out until you've learned how to talk to your superiors!" Monogram snapped. He stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Completely livid, Perry yanked the soap bar out of his mouth and tossed it into the toilet.

He yanked down the shower curtain and stuffed it in there too.

He heard Thad and Monogram speaking in the distance.

"…heard you yelling, is everything all right?"

"Agent P… he's gone completely mental. You should have heard him, the way he was hissing at me… I had to wash his mouth out."

Perry flushed the toilet, pretending the shower curtain was Monogram. The toilet gurgled dangerously as the water pressure built.

"And now he's probably flushing every single toiletry item down the latrine. I wish I could help him, he's just being impossible right now…"

A geyser sprang up from the toilet, blasting the shower curtain upwards on a spring of bubbles. It landed on the sink. Foamy bubbles filled the bathroom.

"I'll talk to him. I'm pretty good with animals."

The door opened, and Thad Badley walked in. He closed the door behind him. "Hello, Agent P." He said kindly. "You've made quite a mess, haven't you?"

Perry sat down on the floor and turned his back on Thad.

"Ah." Thad said. "The silent treatment?"

Perry slammed his tail against the ground.

Thad sat down next to him. "Francis says you were a little rude to him, trying to send him false accounts."

Perry glared at Thad.

"I shouldn't have worried." Thad said. "Loyal old Francis… always ready to defend me. A shame I have to betray him. Listen, though, and listen closely. Even though I know Francis won't believe a single shred of evidence you find against me, don't you dare get in my way. I know who's important to you."  
>Perry growled a little louder.<p>

"I'm sorry." Thad said. "I have nothing against you. I love animals. But I don't need a roadblock when my plan is going so well. Remember, I know who's important to you."

Perry hissed and tried to bite him, but his imbalance caused him to slip on the floor and fall down.

"I'd be careful, if I were you." Thad said.

He stood up and left the bathroom, leaving the door open. Perry struggled into a sitting position and stared, fuming, at the floor, longing to bite something.


	7. Chapter 7

Perry didn't even look at Monogram for the next week. He felt more betrayed by Monogram than Monogram would have felt from Thad. His mood wasn't made any better by the fact that the graffiti around Danville seemed to be getting incredibly personal. The graffiti included names and deformed pictures of people Perry knew, mostly Phineas and Ferb. His own name had been painted so many times that he began to ignore it when he passed by. He suspected Thad was just using the graffiti as a means of taunting him.

"Ew!" Phineas said as they walked downtown together. "Why is the water in my thermos so weird-tasting?"

"I put icing in your thermos." Ferb said.

"Watery icing?"

"I made it myself, and it's NOT watery."

"It's the consistency of water! And why did you put icing in my thermos, anyway?"

"To see if you would notice. You don't notice a lot of things sometimes."

"Oh, there you are, Perry."

"I've proven my point." Ferb said under his breath.

"You seem really cranky lately." Phineas said to Perry.

"I'm not cranky." Perry grumbled.

"Ferb baked you cupcakes to cheer you up." Phineas said. "But the icing was so liquidy he poured it onto each cupcake instead of spreading it on. It was like milk."

"Stop making fun of my icing!" Ferb said. "You were the one who added six eggs into the cupcake mix!"

"Thad's attempting to take over the agency." Perry blurted.

Ferb fell silent. Phineas seemed to be debating whether to say anything.

"And Monogram doesn't believe me." Perry said. "He thinks I'm just trying to get on his good side by looking like I know who's been attacking the security."

"But you're not!" Phineas said, horrified. "You know who's been doing that! How come he doesn't believe you?"

"For the same reason I didn't believe you when you told me he was up to no good." Perry said. "All the proof he has is my word."

"I never said that. I said I didn't trust him."

"All the same, I should have been more wary. And Monogram should… he should listen to me."

"Maybe we should make an extra batch of cupcakes." Phineas said.

"Cupcakes aren't gonna fix this-" Perry stopped.

They had come to a large brick wall. The letters O.W.C.A had been painted across the whole thing.

"That's it." Perry huffed. "If Monogram's not going to get rid of Thad, I suppose I should just do it myself."

**...**

Perry snuck around to the back of the O.W.C.A. Hopefully he'd be able to think of some kind of way to arrest Thad without Monogram's help. Perry would surely be able to beat him senseless and tie him up, but dragging a whole human being to the O.W.C.A prison was too much of a task for him.

Perry slowly opened the back door and crept inside, keeping a hand near his grappling gun, just in case. He walked silently down the hall, keeping a close eye out for anything…

Thad's office door had no light coming in from underneath it. Perry pushed it open and groped for the light switch.

Perry opened up drawers and cupboards, searching for evidence. All he found were old photos of Thad and Monogram as small children.

Thad really had covered up his tracks well.

Perry noticed Thad's laptop, still open on his desk. He went over and checked the web history.

How to grow the perfect tomatoes, … Simplicious Hair-Styling… the Master O.W.C.A file…

Perry clicked on the O.W.C.A website link. Instantly a page came up asking for identity verification. Perry typed in his fedora number and birth date.

An article flashed onto the screen.

_The O.W.C.A master file, or the O.W.C.A.M.F, has been around as long as the agency. This is the only file that can be used to hack into Danville's entire electrical system, if ever needed. If activated, this file will allow the hacker to access any information in any computer or data storage device in Danville, limited to nothing. This file could be dangerous if in the wrong hands. Many O.W.C.A agents believe this file should be destroyed. For safety reasons, Major Francis Monogram placed the file in the care of an unknown former O.W.C.A agent who is no longer affiliated in any way with the agency. The database itself has no information on the whereabouts or identity of this agent in case of a security breach. Admiral Wanda Acronym said…_

"I don't remember inviting you into my office." Thad said.

Perry looked up and grabbed his grappling gun, but Thad was faster. Perry felt a sharp pain in his elbow and looked down to see a small dart. He felt a calm feeling spreading through his body.

No. He had been trained to fight the effects of tranquilizers. He couldn't let this stop him.

He fell to the ground and crawled toward the exit. His vision was blurring rapidly as his consciousness slipped away.

He forced himself to focus… on sleep… no… he had to focus on getting away…

The walls around him began to swim. He heard voices, but they made no sense. A calming feeling was spreading through him… as though it didn't really matter whether he got out of here or not, he could just sleep right here if he wanted to…

"Foccuussss!" Perry hissed at himself.

"YOU… YOU MURDEROUS TRAITOR!"

Perry looked up. A spinning marshmallow was standing in the doorway, yelling at Thad.

"I didn't kill him." Thad said. "He's simply tranquilized."

Perry's eyes were trying to close. He forced them to stay open. It took all of his effort to keep crawling…

"I knew you were up to no good!" Monty shouted, his marshmallow head dissolving into a cucumber. "PERRY! Perry, get out of here! Go get dad!"

Snapping back to attention, Perry heaved himself out of the spinning, dizzying room. Colors and images were flashing in front of his eyes, and all he wanted to do was sleep…

Thad was a very large teddy bear… Monty sounded like he had inhaled helium… and now everything was spinning very slowly…

Perry clawed his way into Monogram's office. He heard Monogram speaking very slowly in a language he didn't understand. Why was Monogram speaking English? He didn't know English. Only beavers knew English.

And now Monogram was bending over him. Monogram's shoes were a pair of French toast. And Perry was tired…

Perry closed his eyes.

**...**

Perry woke to the sound of alarms. He was still lying in the middle of Monogram's office, but the dart had been removed from his elbow.

Shakily, he stood up. The room was dark, save for red lights and emergency warnings blaring on the screen. Perry ran out of the room.

Agents were running up and down the halls, screaming in terror. Baby Ned the narwhal was running and squealing too, but he was simply playing tag with a baby cheetah and was not at all aware of what was happening.

"THE O.W.C.A IS UNDER EMERGENCY LOCKDOWN. ALL AGENTS ARE TO SIT AGAINST THE WALL. PLEASE DO NOT PANIC. ALL AGENTS ARE TO SIT AGAINST THE WALL."

The agents continued to panic. Perry found Darren, Devon and Pinky sitting against the wall and sat down next to them.

"Have any twos?" Darren asked Devon.

"Go fish." Devon said.

Once the alarms shut off, the agents calmed down and sat against the wall, talking excitedly to each other. Carl walked up and down the hall, calming down nervous agents and trying to stop baby Ned from shouting "underpants".

"I wonder what happened." Pinky said. "Where were you guys when the alarms started?"

"I was in the bathroom." Devon said.

"I was in the storage closet." Darren said.

"I was unconscious on the floor." Perry said.

Before Pinky could ask, Monogram walked solemnly into the hall. All of the agents fell silent.

Monogram cleared his throat. "Thaddeus Badley has infiltrated the O.W.C.A and shut down all of our systems. The SS SN men were overthrown by his accomplices. You are all to stay inside of the agency, where it is safe, until further notice."

Monogram looked toward Perry, and their eyes met.

He mouthed the words _I'm sorry_.

Perry gave a slow nod.

Monogram turned away. "I need to go and find someone who can explain exactly what is going on, and warn the other branches of the agency… Carl?"

Carl rushed over to Monogram. "Yes, sir?"

"I need someone to look after things while I'm not here." Monogram paused. "Please tell my son to take over while I'm gone."

Carl looked slightly annoyed, but he nodded.

"We must recover our information and make sure Thaddeus does nothing with it."

Perry stood up and tugged on Monogram's pant leg.

"Yes, Agent P?" Monogram asked quietly.

Perry handed him a napkin he had written on.

Monogram sucked in his breath. "Of course he'll be after that. Unfortunately, I don't know the current location of the O.W.C.A.M.F. May I appoint you to look for it?"

Perry nodded.

"Find it before Thaddeus does." Monogram instructed. "If he gets hold of it, it's all over. I should have put that file in a heavily guarded safe… I figured it would be less conspicuous out in the open… but it's less defended out there…"

He turned and walked out of the hall. All of the agents stared after him.

"What now?" Devon asked. "Do we just sit here and wait for him to come back?"

"Of course not." Said a voice. "We fight back."  
>Everyone turned.<p>

Peter stood in the end of the hall, a little unstable, but fully conscious.

Perry smiled. "He's right, guys. We're not cowards. We're not going to run away to a safe hidey-hole. We're going to fight."

**To Be Continued In The Next Story, Attack of the O.W.C.A**


End file.
